To first establish a niche for this publication, a quick and nasty assessment of our current cultural conditions IS unfortunately necessary. Fear not adorable readers, after this dirty rant it will be all fancy hairdos and cocktail parties... Poker games and recipes... Crochet patterns and darning techniques.

In this magazine we will teach you how to play piano. How to look classy in any age. How to build a fire. How to dance the pacing.

How to woo. How to do all the things that every bodies forgotten how to do.

How to be a lady.

How to be a man.

BUT FIRST...

Somewhere between the 1950s domestic heroine cooped up in her 'comfortable concentration camp' baking pumpkin pies and throwing Tupperware parties...and the naughty naughties office goddess pleasing her one night man with gratuitous anal... lies a cultured dame so classy she is not yet remembered. And in between the classy cultured dame's luscious long lady legs lies a man. .

A real man. A dapper man. A strong man. A man. Amen.

First off, lets just admit it, we fucked up. Manhood has long been relinquished for eternal boyhood, and ladies have been exterminated to make room for the slut oxen. The slut oxen is a modern convenience. The slut oxen does anal, swallows, gives birth, brings home the bacon, cleans the house, earns enough cash to pay someone to mow the lawn, chops the wood, raises the kids, disciplines the kids, buys the groceries, cooks the groceries, clears the table, puts the kids to bed, waxes her anus, does anal and swallows.

The eternal boy is lonely and would love to hold a real woman, but the slut oxen is too busy to cast him even one sultry wink, so he jacks off to porn and spends the rest of his money on beer to dull his solitude. He dreams of beating his porn addiction so that one day he will have enough money to buy a fancy car, which he hopes will lure the virgin slut oxen into meaningful embrace (the virgin slut oxen is the un-impregnated slut oxen in waiting.). Eventually he gets lucky (by accident), thinking he is in love until he finds out his accidental woman is unwilling to abort his accidental fetus, and runs away with a copy of Hustler in one hand and a schooner in the other. He will freak out when he is eventually pulled up for $5.50 a week child support, though with some careful planning can make up for it by having two less beers at the pub or by downloading all his porn for free.

The slut oxen, in the quiet the moments (approximately 3.6 seconds daily) fantasises of a man to hold and protect her.

The Eternal boy, dick in hand, fantasies of a lady who will lovingly prepare him a meal and cuddle him at night.

We are sad. We are lonely. We are without class. We are incompatible. We are frustrated. We are slaves.

We need to evolve, thoughtfully.

- R