When Men Were Men & Women Were Women

Sunday, December 31, 2006
On being a good host and a good guest, taken from "The Magic Key to Charm" by Eileen Ascroft (1938)

Here are some practical hints which every thoughtful hostess should remember for her guest's comfort:- Among them are several ordinary rules of etiquette which you probably know already. But i give them to you because I think it is very important to know all the conventional rules of behaviour. When you are in doubt about about whether you are doing the right thing, you cannot express charm. But when you know the accepted conventions, you can either follow them naturally or think up charming variations of your own.

1. A spare-room should be just as comfortable as your own bedroom with a bed you wouldn't mind sleeping on yourself.

2. Always tell your guest the times of meals and when the bathroom is free her first day, so that she fits in with the household.

3. Always see that all your guests know one another at a dinner or small party. Of course at a large gathering this is impossible, so introduce late-comers to a little group of people.

4. In case you are in doubt about how to introduce people, always introduce a man to a woman. A younger woman is usually presented to an older woman and an unmarried woman to a married woman. In the case of two young people, at an informal occasion it is more friendly to dispense with the Mr., Mrs., or Miss, and use the Christian name instead. When you introduce two people, don't just say their names and then leave them to it, feeling you've done your duty. They will both be grateful if you give them something in common to talk about before leaving them. If you know they are both interested in something, say: "You ought to have plenty to talk about as you both like..." or "Miss Y has just got back from Switzerland." Any little thing will do as long as it gives them a lifeline, to start a conversation.

5. Never let your guests bore one another. If you see a conversation in the throes of boredom, either break them up or introduce someone new into the group.

6. If you give a party, make an unobtrusive little tour round the room every so often to make sure no one is left out, or bored. But don't worry people by inquiring if they have everything. There's a great difference between a fussy hostess and a charming one!

7. If you have guests staying with you, don't arrange something for every minute of the day for them. Most people like to have a certain amount of time to themselves.

8. When inviting people to dinner ot a party or even to stay, always state the time you expect them to arrive and if it is for a visit, state how many days you are inviting them to stay. it is also considerate to give them some idea of what plans you have made so that they will know what clothes to bring. In the case of a dinner or a party always say whether it is evening dress or not. This saves people a lot of doubt and possible embarrassment.

9. Devote one drawer in the spare room to all the little gadgets which guests so often need and forget to bring or haven't room for in their luggage. Clothes brush, tooth brush, tooth paste, hair brush, and comb, hair pins, curby grips, safety pins, needles and cotton, scissors, notepaper, postcards, ink, a pen that writes, bedroom slippers, and a spare nightie. It's great fun to be able to put someone up at a moment's notice and produce everything they need out of a magic drawer.

10. Make your guests feel honoured and pampered by little attentions to her comfort. Flowers in her room, bath salts ready for her bath, tea in the morning in a pretty cup, a bottle in her bed at night if it's cold and fruit by her bedside and a special case for her table napkin at table- they are all small gestures of charm.

11. Always have interesting books and magazines in your house for your guests to read. Keep a small, good selection in the spare room.

12. Never feel embarrassed because you cannot return the hospitality you receive. There is absolutely no obligation to do so. Entertain in whatever way is easiest and most pleasant for you. a tea-party or a sherry party can be just as much fun as as the grandest dinner or dance. Whatever you choose always make your guests feel that it is fun to have them. Never let them suspect that they mean extra work or trouble and arrange things so that they mean as little extra work and trouble as possible.

The secret of being a good hostess is an important one. But the secret of being a good guest is an even more important one. You want to be popular, don't you? You want people to love you and seek your company.
A charming guest is invited again and again.
The chief qualities of a charming guest are a holiday spirit, a sense of humour, consideration for one's host or hostess and the will to get on with one's fellow guests.
A charming guest arrives looking pleased and excited to have been invited, with a look of anticipation of fun to come. She joins wholeheartedly in anything her host or hostess suggests and she's always ready to see the funny side of things. And she infects her fellow-guests with her gaiety and friendliness.

here are some practical hints on how to be considerate:

1. Always be punctual. This is very important, as nothing is more annoying for a hostess than the lateness of her guests.

2. Never outstay your welcome. If you're asked for a certain length of time, leave then. Only stay on if your host and hostess are really pressing. At a party never stay right till the end. Leave when the bulk of the other guests leave.

3. Never forget to show your gratitude for hospitality. The conventional bread-and-butter letter is such a cold, stilted acknowledgement, I always think. A very charming way of saying "Thank you" is with flowers. a tiny posy of flowers with a tiny note, "It was a lovely evening; thank you so much!" is a gesture which will delight any hostess.

4. Always try to fit in with a household where you are staying. Follow the ordinary routine, and make as little extra work and trouble as possible.

5. Help your hostess by helping to keep other guests amused and interested, and always be kind and sweet to everyone you meet in her house.

6. Don't expect to be amused every minute of the time. Remember that your hostess probably has to attend to the ordinary running of her house. Either offer to help her or be prepared to amuse yourself for a certain time each day.

7. Be ready to enjoy yourself, and let your hostess know that you are having a lovely time.

8. Never give your hostess' servants any extra work unless they volunteer to do some little thing for you. It is usually nice to give them some little appreciation of your gratitude when you leave. Give it to them yourself with an expression of thanks. It is much more charming than leaving it for them on the dressing table. Never let the amount worry you. It is the gesture that matters. Give them what you can afford, however small.

9. Be just as careful of other people's things as you would of your own- even more careful.

10. If you are invited to stay it is a charming gesture to take some little gift for your hostess. Flowers are always welcome, or, if she has children, perhaps a toy or chocolate.

11. Observe absolute loyalty to your hostess while under her roof, or when once you have accepted her hospitality. Never criticise her to others or allow others to criticise her to you. Never criticise your fellow guests while you are under her roof, either.

12. Try to be a "credit to your hostess" on all occasions. See that you arrive nicely and appropriately dressed for whatever occasion you are invited. It it is a visit, take the right clothes with you. If you are not sure what you will need, write to your hostess and consult her. Never let your hostess down by bad behaviour or rudeness.

Posted by 며느리 at 4:23 PM 1 Comments